i will live my life,

[MIA JACKSON.]

mia rolled her eyes at herself and then looked down at what she was wearing already. she hadn't been deciding what to wear while taking to travis. why should she? mia sighed, switching off her laptop and then standing up. she didn't really know what to wear at all. this was only travis. in the time she'd decided what would be good to wear, he'd have taken less time in not noticing and taking it off her. she shook the thought from her mind and then walked towards her wardrobe, opening the doors. her father was out tonight, as usual. he never stayed home anymore. mia had moved to california to get away from all of the crap there. her father and mother had fallen apart and my father had decided the best thing for them was to move to a different country altogether. and california was a very, very long way away from london. mia loved her mother and she loved london, but things had gotten so bad back at home that she'd also decided moving would be the best thing to do. she had secrets that not even her best friend knew. not many, but some. the real reason for leaving london was the fact that she'd become pregnant after losing her virginity to her boyfriend of eight years. liam. he meant the world to her and he'd always treated her right. but she hadn't told him about her being pregnant. she was afraid that he'd run away and everything the had would have been a lie. she was afraid he'd be like everyone else who'd figured it out. she didn't want liam to call her a slag. even though he was the only person she'd slept with. mia didn't want him to turn on her and leave her and some child alone. she didn't believe in abortion because she'd rather have a child and give it to someone who was ready. but she finally plucked up the courage to tell him and on the way to his house, she was attacked. the assault had two different outlooks. the first was that it was bad. she'd lost her child and it killed her to know that she had. but second, she didn't have to worry about telling liam she'd been pregnant. things didn't go back to normal, though. how could they? mia couldn't look or think of liam without the fact she'd lost their child. a child he'd never known about. she did wonder what things would have been like if she'd told him earlier, though. would they have been better? maybe. but then she wouldn't be here making herself look like a slut for travis lambert.

yes, she was still looking in the wardobe for clothes to wear. part of her was saying that it was pointless and that she should just go get a big coat and go naked. that would please travis, she thought. not having to make any effort. just having someone else do it for him. she shook her head. that was too easy for him. she wanted to make things difficult. he'd insulted her and she was't happy about that. mia smirked slightly at herself and then looked towards the bathroom. maybe she should shower just to piss him off a little more. if he was doing what he'd said he was doing, then it would really piss him off, hopefully. she bit her lip, looking away from the shower. no. to be perfectly honest, she was quite happy with going to his house and being used. part of her was using him, too. she thought of liam when she was with him. so it wasn't really travis she was sleeping with. though, he was good. she had to admit that. she'd been afraid of him at first because he was her second. but then after him, she'd slept around a little more and now she wasn't afraid anymore. she wasn't a slag, no. she didn't get turned on every single minute. but she'd be happy to just please someone else. hence why she was about to go to trav's place. she wasn't afraid of him anymore, either. he just made her laugh. his insults didn't really hurt her, she'd been through a lot worse. of course, he didn't know anything about her past so that worked out for her. he couldn't bring something up that would make her cry or hurt. mia smiled to herself and then shook her head again, turning her attention back to her wardrobe. she still didn't know what to wear, even remotely. she'd thought of wearing liam's shirt just to spite travis. and then she'd just walk around in nothing but that. but then again, she didn't want questions being asked. not that she thought he would even notice that it was a guy's top. but she couldn't take the risk. mia pushed some of her clothes aside, smiling when she saw a long-ish top. she pulled it out and frowned at it. no, it wasn't good enough. mia threw it back onto the bed and then moved the clothes again, stopping once more at another top. she pulled that out and grinned. that was better. she pulled off her pajama top and dropped it on the floor. she put the other shirt over her shoulder, getting out a bra and pulling it on. she then pulled her shirt over it and looked down at herself. it was long enough to wear just tights or leggings with.

she picked out a pair of leggngs, not bothering to look what they were, and pulled them on. mia dropped down onto the bed so she was sat and stretched her legs out, smiling at the leggings. she pushed herself up and then bit her lip. now, shoes. she didn't know whether to wear flat ones of high heels. she shrugged, pulling out a pair of black heels and slipping them on. she picked up her black bag and then closed the wardrobe doors, dropping her bag on the bed and opening a box from her bedside table. she pulled out a necklace and put it over her head, putting the box back on her bedside table. she didn't bother to look at what the necklace was. that was it for tonight, she didn't care about anything. mia picked up her blackberry, checked it and then put it in her bag, walking out of her bedroom with it in her hand. she sighed, walking into the living room and biting her lip. she left a note for her father saying that she was at denny's. that way, there'd be no questions when she got back home. even though he'd probably not even be here when she got back. mia left the note on the table, which read 'gone to denny's, don't know when i'll be back. ring me if you need me. love, mia.' he probably wouldn't read it anyway, come to think of it. he was an alcoholic. always drunk. he couldn't drive anywhere so mia had his car. she would walk to trav's though. it wasn't far. she sighed, walking towards the door and picking up her cardigan as she did. she pulled it on and then grabbed her house keys, biting her lip again. mia shook her head, dropping her keys into the bowl and then putting her bag with them. she walked into the bathroom, pulling out her make-up bag and then putting on some mascara, lip gloss and blusher. she smiled at herself. better. mia nodded at her reflection, throwing her make-up bag back under the sink and then walking into the hallway again. she grabbed her bag and keys, unlocked the door and then walked out. mia locked the door behind her, dropping her keys into her bag afterwards.

it didn't take her long to get to trav's at all. she'd gotten a few funny looks and stares but she didn't care. the morning would be worse when she had to walk home looking a mess. or even later tonight, depending on how generous trav was feeling. she knocked on the door when she got to his place, biting her lip and then sighing.

trav. 1372 words. outfit. me. too much muse for her . she tried being a slut for trav. c:

[TRAVIS LAMBERT.]

travis ignored a text from poppy - something he did a lot of - & leant his head back against the wall, blocking out the arguments from next door & the sound of breaking china. why the fuck did he have to live here? what was wrong with some place normal, like .. new york .. or .. LA? roseneath was so small it was barely even on the map. nothing happened here, & every other fucker was absolutely mental. everyone believed that they were the reincarnates of some greek god or goddess. travis just thought they were completely bat-shit crazy. how the fuck could you be a greek god? answer: you couldn't be. those people never even existed; they were just myths, just stories people told their kids to get them to shut up. there was no such thing as aphrodite or hades or hera or zeus, & the people who thought they were existed needed to be admitted to an insane asylum. he barely looked up as his phone began to vibrate against his leg; he knew exactly who it was & why they were calling. poppy might think he was the most important person in her universe but travis couldn't say the same about her. they were friends, yeah - best friends, even, but there was something there, something travis refused to acknowledge & wished with all his might that it would disappear. he didn't want anything else out of their friendship; he just wanted poppy to be there, he wanted to have a laugh with her, he wanted to be himself & lately he'd found it harder & harder to be such a thing. lately he'd been avoiding her & sleeping with other girls just to try & make her jealous, just to see what she'd do & whether she felt the same something that he did. he'd never say this out loud; travis was a man of few words. even a four word sentence was, at times, a surprise. he'd let her figure this out for herself. it wouldn't take her long to realise that trav was ignoring her for the time being.

travis closed his eyes, briefly, & the phone beside him stopped ringing. the neighbours finally shut the fuck up, & everything was quiet. trav couldn't hear anything, nothing at all. his mother had finally left him alone & had gone out with friends for the night, &, with any luck, wouldn't be back 'til morning. nora was at that nosy viola's house & trav's brothers hadn't lived at home for years. if only trav could get off his fucking arse & find somewhere to live he wouldn't have to worry about being walked in on by his mother when he was fucking someone. speaking of, travis checked the time, & raised an eyebrow. mia was taking her time getting here, no doubt to try & piss him off. mia was one of the nutters, one of the people who believed she was a greek goddess but once you got past all the crazy she was actually an alright person - meaning she was a good fuck. travis didn't care whether mia actually liked him - trav wasn't too bothered about the girl. he knew there was something about her that she was keeping back; there was something big in her past & she'd do everything in her power to avoid talking about it ( sort of like how trav was when poppy came up into conversation ). they'd slept together once, & then not spoken for a while until they arranged their second meet, which was tonight. the last time trav had slept with her, he'd accidentally managed to think of poppy. he couldn't risk doing that again. he didn't want to sleep with poppy. no. that was just .. wrong.

hauling himself off his bed, travis rubbed his eyes with the palm of his hand & threw his phone onto the desk opposite, not caring where it fell. he stood up, kicking various articles of clothing to the side & under his bed, purely so that he didn't trip & so that mia didn't end up putting one of his shirts on when he kicked her out & forced her to walk the walk of shame. hearing a knock on the door, travis glanced at the clock, & raised an eyebrow, heading towards his door & wandering down the stairs, taking his time. pausing to check his reflection in a photo frame, travis smirked, & opened the front door, eyes flickering down mia's body & taking in her - severe lack of - clothing. travis pushed the door open wider & indicated that she could come in, the smirk still on his face.

[MIA JACKSON.]

mia had decided that she wouldn't jump straight into things. she would make sure that travis worked for what she was going to give him. she wasn't just going to throw herself at him. maybe if she'd come in even less clothing then she might have let him have it quickly, just so she could get warmer. mia ran a hand through her hair and then unbuttoned her cardigan, pulling it off and then slipping it over her arm. she leaned against the wall, waiting for travis to hurry up and open the door. he was most likely getting her back for taking her time. she'd just get him back again, later. and take her time doing other things while he trying to make her go faster. as if she would. not for him. she wanted to try her best to try and imagine it being travis instead of liam, this time. she didn't really think it was fair on trav. he was giving her something and the least she could to - other than give something back - was stop thinking of another guy during the whole thing. travis didn't act like liam, anyway. so imagining it was him would give mia a worse insight on liam, right? she'd only slept with him once so she wanted to have the best thoughts of liam in case she never saw him again. maybe she would. maybe there'd be some miracle that would bring him to her right now. so he could tell her to not go inside trav's place but to go back to london with him. for him to say he knew all about the baby and it dying and that he was still happy and wanted to be with her no matter what. she sighed slightly and then shook her head. he wouldn't do that. it wasn't like liam could just appear in places. he was good but not that good. she bit her lip, moving away from the wall and standing up straight. she looked straight at the door, waiting for it to open. she was bracing herself for trav already. for any insults about what she was wearing. she was ready. they wouldn't get her off guard. she pushed away the thoughts of liam and just thought of travis. travis lambert. she'd be with him. she'd be ready for what he gave her and she'd give back. she'd be ready to get kicked out. he wasn't liam. he would never be liam. travis. travis. travis. just mia and travis. nobody else.

she half smiled when she saw travis and his smirk. she had missed it. there was something about him that actually made her want to come back for more. maybe it was because he was good. or just the fact that she enjoyed company, even if it didn't involve speaking. she could deal with that. the closeness was enough. maybe it was both. the fact he was a good fuck and it meant she wasn't alone all the time. she watched him look at what she was wearing and rolled her eyes, sighing and looking at his face. she wouldn't do the same to him. mia watched him open the door more and she walked in slowly, lifting her cardigan and putting it onto trav's shoulder. she sighed and then turned swiftly to look back at him, smirking slightly. she threw her bag to the side, not caring where it landed and then put her hands on her hips. she wasn't really sure what to do anymore. she'd probably just wait for him to do what he pleased. she wasn't really one to make the first move. she hadn't been with liam. oh. liam. yes she was going to think about him. it was hard for her not to. mia sighed, still looking at travis. when she'd lost her virginity to liam, he'd been the one who's suggested it. mia had felt that way about him for quite a while and she'd wanted to 'seal the deal' when she'd only just turned sixteen, as a birthday present. but he'd been ill so her plans had been blown. it was three weeks after that when liam was staying over and they were alone. it'd started off with just a film and then cuddling. it had ended up with liam asking permission and mia just nodding. and then it'd ended up as a.. no she wouldn't go there. liam was far enough. mia cleared her throat, focusing back on travis and sliding her arms to the base of her shirt. she smiled at it slighty, folding the end over her finger and then lifting it slightly. she looked back at travis and then dropped it, clearing her throat again. she moved her hand away from the bottom of her shirt and lifted it so she could fold her arms across her chest.

mia looked back at travis and then dropped both her arms, turning away from him and lifting her hands to her hair. she had it up in a pony tail right now because it had been annoying her. he pulled it out and then shook her head, smiling when her hair fell into her face. she turned back around, moving her fringe out of her eyes and then tilting her head at travis. she looked down at her hair scrunchie and then looked back at travis. she ran her hand through her hair and then pulled the scrunchie onto her wrist, still waiting for travis to do something. she looked down and then ran her hands down her side again, pulling at her leggings and then at her top once more. she didn't know what she was doing. she was bored and impatient. "so, about that fucking good time.." she rarely swore but when she did, it was pretty thick with her english accent. it just made it all the more 'attractive' apparently.

trav. 988 words. outfit. me. rambled but i kind of think they'll be lush. c:

[TRAVIS LAMBERT.]

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