now you're all gone.

[POPPY EVANS.]

NOW YOU'RE ALL GONE GOT YOUR MAKE UP ON AND YOU'RE
NOT COMING BACK, CAN'T YOU COME BACK? --------------------------

[/size][/center]

poppy had woken up in travis’s bed – minus travis. not that she usually shared a bed with him, usually he tried to make her sleep on the floor. in fact, the only reason she had slept in his bed was because he wasn’t in it. she had turned up at his dad’s house at three o’clock that morning, in search of trav. they had gone to a party on the beach together – well, not strictly together, since they were still kind of fighting, even if poppy couldn’t remember what about. she doubted trav could either. the pair were just too stubborn to admit they were wrong and make up. he had disappeared at some point and poppy had tried to look for him, but she couldn’t find him anyway, and she had decided that she was way too drunk to find her way back to the hotel she, her dad and brother were staying at, and since trav’s house was much closer, she figured she would go there and wait for him. and so she had, under the impression that he would have to come home at some point. but apparently he hadn’t. although, she had been asleep, and so maybe that meant he had come home and she’d missed him. or he’d come home, seen her, and left again. proving that he didn’t want to be around her.

no. she shook her head and kicked the quilt off his bed. poppy would be fucked if she was going to leave the room clean. not that it was especially clean to begin with, but she wasn’t going to help. she threw the quilt into a heap on the floor and reached for her boots. at least she’d had the sense to take them off before getting into bed; they weren’t exactly the shoes you wanted to be sleeping in. not that it mattered, because this was trav’s bed and poppy didn’t care if she messed up trav’s bed. lacing her boots, she looked around the room for her jacket and saw it lying on top of a pile of folded laundry. she stood up and picked the jacket up, ‘accidentally’ sending the laundry across the floor in one movement, swiping the packet of cigarettes on trav’s nightstand and slammed the bedroom door behind her as she left, knowing that most likely no one would be in the house.

and she was right. the house was empty as she wandered into the kitchen, opening the fridge and pulling a face. she opened a can of coke and took a long swig, before putting it back into the fridge. she took an apple from the fruit bowl on the counter and took a bite, picking up the key next to the bowl with a note from trav’s dad asking her to lock the door behind her. she let herself out and locked the door, pocketing the key and walking down the street. she had no real plans; definitely not back to the hotel suite she was currently living in, she couldn’t take being around her dad while she was in this mood. no, she wanted to be outside. her feet were leading the way, her mind wandering. she honestly couldn’t remember what her and trav were fighting about. nothing important, she thought. they never fought about important things. just the stupid things that neither seemed to be able to let go of. if only one wasn’t so fucking stubborn, then maybe they wouldn’t fall out so often. not that poppy cared. what difference did it make to her if trav was being a dick.

a lot of difference, actually, but she wouldn’t tell him that. he probably knew anyway, but she wouldn’t admit it. trav knew everything else about her, why would this make a difference? she flicked the apple core onto the ground – her dad always told her apple cores were okay to litter, because they were good for the ground and animals. poppy half believed him and half didn’t really care. she pulled the cigarettes out of her pocket and lit one, taking a drag. she blew the smoke out of her mouth and looked around, realising she’d walked herself to the pier. that was good, she liked the pier. she leant her elbows on the railing and looked out over the beach, taking another drag. she sighed out the smoke and shut her eyes. “for fuck sake, poppy. get a grip.”

TRAV. 742 WORDS. [URL=http://kayascodelario.net/photos/displayimage.php?pid=3210&fullsize=1
]WEARING.

[/URL] LYRICS TO BROKEN SOCIAL SCENE. I LOVE THESE TWO ALREADYYYY c:[/i][/font][/size][/blockquote][/blockquote][/justify]

[TRAVIS LAMBERT.]

DO YOU REMEMBER WHEN I TOLD YOU THIS THAT NIGHT, THAT IF YOU’RE BY MY SIDE WHEN EVERYDAY BEGINS, I’LL FALL FOR YOU AGAIN? I MADE A PROMISE WHEN I TOLD YOU THIS THAT NIGHT. -----------------------------------------------------------

he didn't have a clue where he was, which was the norm for travis. he hardly ever knew where he was; most days he woke up in some stranger's bed, & sometimes it wasn't even a bed. it was only on rare occasion that travis actually woke up in his own bed, in his own room, in his own house. last night's reason had been that poppy needed somewhere to stay. he'd tried convincing himself that the only reason he hadn't gone home was because poppy needed somewhere to stay, but even he was still sceptical about it. he didn't believe himself. he didn't care if he was setting a bad example for his younger brother & sister; they were both old enough to take care of themselves & therefore both old enough to do whatever the hell they wanted. by their age, travis wasn't coming home for weeks at a time. & just because it was summer & summer was technically supposed to be 'family time' with his siblings & his father - the one who walked out on them seven years ago & suddenly wanted to get back in touch with them - didn't mean that travis was going to change. travis wouldn't change for anyone. travis would always stay the same - the only constant in his family.

flashes of the night before were slowly forcing themselves into his brain, stealing his attention away from his broken family & making him focus upon more distracting things, like how much alcohol he'd drank the night before, ( that explains the headache ) all the pretty girls he'd felt up against various walls & doors, & the girl he'd gone further with, the girl he'd slept with down an alley & then ditched. he didn't want to think about that. not now. not ever. they weren't talking & hadn't been for a while. they'd been fighting for weeks & travis was going to be damned if he was going to give in first. swinging his feet out of the bed, travis rubbed his head, pressing the heels of his hands into his eyes. blearily looking around the room & on the side table next to him, travis exhaled sharply in frustration & stood up, collecting his clothes, before he left the room, closing the door behind him with a snap.

now clothed, travis wandered down the stairs, picking his way over sleeping figures, recognising the house as the venue of last night's party. heading towards the kitchen, travis opened the fridge in vain, looking for something to eat, & settled for a red bull instead, pinching an almost full bottle of vodka after a moment's consideration. looking around the room again, travis turned & left, heading for the front door. seconds later, & he was outside, blinking in the harsh sunlight. why hadn't he thought to pinch aspirin? his dad had some, somewhere, & with that thought, travis' feet began to move, pulling him in the direction of his dad's house, navigating the streets of bluewater with barely any thought process behind it. after coming here for years with his family, travis had the town memorised. he knew it like he knew the back of his hand. opening the can of red bull, travis downed half the can in one gulp, ignoring the pounding in his head & the dissatisfied gurgle in his stomach. he knew if it had been food it would have been rejected in an instant. turning a corner, travis stopped dead at the sight that greeted him.

looking around furtively, travis crossed the road to the railing, joining poppy in staring at the sea. what the fuck was he doing? they were meant to be fighting. not talking. ignoring each other. avoiding the other at all times. people who are doing that do not randomly cross the road to stand next to the other. travis didn't care any more. travis hadn't cared for a while. not about her, he cared a great deal for poppy .. & that was the problem. he'd never cared about anyone like that before, & he didn't want to. he was afraid she'd figure it out, afraid that she knew there was more than just 'i don't like being at home' to his excuses. part of the reason he avoided her was because he was afraid of what he'd do if he was left with her for too long. looking over at her, travis balanced the can of red bull & the bottle of vodka on the edge of the railing, & reached over, grabbing the cigarette. bringing it to his lips, travis breathed in deeply, turning back to face the sea. he'd have to say something sooner or later. "did he leave you a key?" oh, that's all you could come up with? brilliant, travis, absofuckinglutely brilliant.

POPPY. 781 WORDS. WEARING. LYRICS TO YELLOWCARD. LOLOLOL THEY'RE GOING TO BE SO CUTE & DISFUNCTIONAL. c:

[/justify]

[POPPY EVANS.]

NOW YOU'RE ALL GONE GOT YOUR MAKE UP ON AND YOU'RE
NOT COMING BACK, CAN'T YOU COME BACK? --------------------------

[/size][/center]

poppy didn’t look around as travis came and stood next to her. this was normal for them; they fell out, didn’t talk, then one found the other. admittedly, it was usually poppy who went and found travis – both were incredibly stubborn but poppy’s insecurities caught up with her before travis’s pride fell down. this was something new to poppy, him finding her. maybe it meant something? but then again, maybe it didn’t. she had thought for a minute that last night had meant something, but of course, it hadn’t. she had somehow slept with travis, which meant she must have been pretty drunk because sober poppy would definitely not have slept with travis. probably. not at this current moment. they hadn’t been speaking, they’d gone to the party about as separately as poppy could manage, with most of her clothes in travis’s house somewhere, and hadn’t spoke until right before poppy had left. well, technically, they hadn’t spoke at all. travis had just found her at the party, kissed her, and they ended up outside in an alley. she didn’t remember much of it, but she had enough memory to know that it hadn’t exactly been the best after sex ever – she hadn’t ever had sex with someone who turned and ran away after.

she didn’t protest as he took the cigarette from her hand; they shared everything else, clothes ( she took his, not the other way round ), bedrooms ( she slept in his, though he didn’t usually stay at hers ), alcohol, secrets, everything. they were his cigarettes anyway, although she didn’t know if he realised that. she didn’t care. if he wanted to stop her taking his things – and messing up his room – then he should have come home. poppy had realised that it was a stupid idea to go to his house, since he barely went there himself, unless he absolutely had to. she spent more time there than he did, since she didn’t like being at the hotel room she was currently living in. alright, fair enough, it was two hotel rooms joined by a door, and poppy had the smaller room to herself as the only girl in the family, but it was still to confined a space to be stuck with her dad. not that he was ever there either. poppy kept with the sharing philosophy and took the can of red bull from the railing, her eyes still fixed on the sea. “why?” she asked, taking a gulp from the can. “running away from me again?” she concentrated on keeping her eyes forward and keeping the hurt out of her voice. she didn’t want to let on, but his abandoning her last night – especially after they had sex – had upset her quite a bit.

the little girl inside her shrieked out for her to grab hold of travis and never let go, and she knew the little boy inside travis would appreciate it, no matter what kind of front he had on. travis might pretend that he didn’t give a shit about anything or anyone, but poppy knew different. lately, not so much. lately, she was starting to believe he didn’t give a shit about anyone, especially not her. but before they came to bluewater, before they fell out, poppy knew that he cared about her, even if he pretended he didn’t. and she knew he knew, she figured that he thought it was enough. it wasn’t, but she wasn’t going to tell him that. if he didn’t realise it wasn’t enough, then .. well, poppy didn’t know what then. that was just the way travis was. she’d let it go just to keep her best friend. because that was what best friends did. it was definitely what poppy did. travis wasn’t going to change the way he acted any time soon, and poppy had long gotten used to feeling as if she didn’t matter to him. she was fine with that as long as she knew she did matter underneath his attitude. but lately, she hadn’t been feeling that so much. wherever she was, he wasn’t. she was always too early, too late, just missing him. whatever his excuse was. he was busy, he was doing something, he was there, she just hadn’t seen him. rolling her eyes didn’t do it justice.

it wouldn’t bother her so much, if she didn’t feel so .. dependant on him. not in that she needed to be with him all the time, not anything that made her clingy. just in the way best friends were dependant on each other. she didn’t think he depended on her. he didn’t act like it. at the moment, he was acting like he didn’t want to be with her. but he found you today, remember she reminded herself. and still, she didn’t let herself look at him. if she looked at him, her little girl would take over and she’d cling to him. not this time.

TRAV. 829 WORDS. [URL=http://kayascodelario.net/photos/displayimage.php?pid=3210&fullsize=1
]WEARING.

[/URL] LYRICS TO BROKEN SOCIAL SCENE. NOMNOMNOM c:[/i][/font][/size][/blockquote][/blockquote][/justify]

[TRAVIS LAMBERT.]

DO YOU REMEMBER WHEN I TOLD YOU THIS THAT NIGHT, THAT IF YOU’RE BY MY SIDE WHEN EVERYDAY BEGINS, I’LL FALL FOR YOU AGAIN? I MADE A PROMISE WHEN I TOLD YOU THIS THAT NIGHT. -------------------------------------------

pulling on the cigarette again, travis looked down at his feet, trying to ignore the pounding in his head. his brother had always said that the best way to get rid of a hangover was to just get drunk, all over again, but right now, travis didn't much feel like drinking, & that said a lot. travis was always up for drinking. he almost always had a beer or a bottle of something alcoholic in his hands, but something about just standing next to poppy knowing full well what had happened last night ( & what he'd subsequently done to her ) just put him off the idea all together. it wouldn't be decent, though when travis had started caring about being decent was beyond him. he never cared what anyone thought of him; they could call him every name under the sun & travis wouldn't even bat an eyelid, but suddenly, poppy's opinion mattered to him more than he could ever let on. she shouldn't matter to him. she was just a girl he knew & frequently went on holiday with. poppy shouldn't matter to him, but she did, a lot. so much.

frowning & exhaling sharply, travis tapped the cigarette against the edge of the railing, watching the ash fall to the sand below before poppy's arm wafted in front of his face, & grabbed his can of red bull. he didn't even protest. this was something they were used to. they always shared their stuff. they didn't usually ask permission, but neither of them had ever cared about permission. they just did it, & that was that. travis let poppy borrow his clothes & stay at his house, & in return, he stole her drinks & cigarettes. it wasn't the best system, but it worked for them. even when they'd been talking, they hadn't done much of it.

"why? running away from me again?”

travis kept quiet, refusing to turn & look at her, flicking the almost burnt out stub to the ground & rubbing his hands over his face, hating how the conversation was so forced, so strained. that was probably his own fault, & exactly what he deserved after what he'd done the night previously. who has sex with someone & then ditches them, knowing full well that they'd go back to his house confused & angry & upset & a multitude of other emotions travis couldn't even begin to imagine. how a girl's mind worked was something travis had never understood - he'd never needed to. girls never usually stuck around long enough to get under his skin. poppy was the longest. she'd stuck around him for a lot longer than other girls. she'd wormed her way into his head, worked her way under his skin until almost every other thought he had was centered on her. he couldn't do this. he couldn't just .. fuck her ( mentally, physically, emotionall ) & then drop her like someone he couldn't give a shit about. every fibre of his being was screaming, wanting him to reach out towards her & hold her to him so close he'd be close to crushing her. he couldn't let himself. he just couldn't. it didn't matter what his heart wanted; at this moment in time, his head was in charge, & his head didn't want things to become anymore complicated between them. "no," he murmured, wanting another cigarette, purely so that he had something to do with his hands. patting himself down - almost nervously - travis frowned at his empty pockets, & ran his fingers through his hair instead. "i need a key. to get back home."

that was cold. it had felt cold. it sounded cold. it was cold. couldn't travis have just kept his mouth shut? there were probably a million keys hidden around his dads yard anyway, & since when did travis 'need' to get back home? travis never 'needed' to get back home. if he didn't have a key then it wasn't much of a bother. he just stayed out, all night if he had to, finding something to do. the only times he 'needed' to get home was when his sister ordered him to - trav refused to argue with that girl. looking up at the sky, travis pushed himself away from the railings & walked a little way down the street, finding a wall & sliding down it until he was sat on the sidewalk. he chanced a glance at poppy, & felt a definite tug in his chest. if he ever needed proof that she meant something to him, that was it. "fuck."

POPPY. 742 WORDS. WEARING. LYRICS TO YELLOWCARD. AKGFJSADSJ. c:

[/justify]

[POPPY EVANS.]

NOW YOU'RE ALL GONE GOT YOUR MAKE UP ON AND YOU'RE
NOT COMING BACK, CAN'T YOU COME BACK? --------------------------

[/size][/center]

poppy raised an eyebrow when travis didn’t answer – pronouncing himself completely guilty in her eyes, although there wasn’t much he could do to deny anything either, but it was a wasted gesture as she still refused to look at him so there wasn’t any way he could have seen it. that wasn’t the point. she wasn’t impressed that he had managed to smoke the rest of her cigarette, though there wasn’t much of it left, but she resisted getting another one out just yet. she didn’t want him to take the entire packet off her, which was entirely plausible since it was something they did. asking permission wasn’t exactly their thing .. not when it was so much easier to just take. maybe that was the problem with them, they just took and expected and they were more reluctant to give. well, poppy wasn’t reluctant. if travis wanted something she would give in to him sooner or later. she hated herself for it, but something inside her didn’t like to see him go without things he wanted, but his stupid pride getting in the way of him actually asking her for something. not anything serious; he didn’t want anything expensive. cigarettes and alcohol, mostly, which poppy happily provided. it wasn’t as if she didn’t have enough to go around anyway, her dad never noticed when things went missing in the house.

he avoided the second question but answered the voice in a voice so quiet poppy almost had to look at him to check it was actually travis. she saw him in her peripheral vision though; patting his pockets, running his hands through his hair. fidgeting? that wasn’t exactly like him. maybe he really was nervous, maybe he really did think their friendship was in danger after what he did the night before, or maybe, just maybe, poppy was being ridiculous. after last night, even she couldn’t kid herself that he cared about her anymore. she didn’t mean to give him the satisfaction of a reply, but the words slipped out before she could control them. “when do you ever go home?” it was true, travis never went home unless he absolutely had to. especially not if he knew a member of his family would be there. especially especially if he knew poppy was there. maybe that was why he wanted to go back now, because poppy was here and his family were out somewhere and he could go in, get what he needed and get back out before anyone came and he would have to talk to someone. woe betide travis having to actually talk to someone. he did whatever it took to avoid conversation and avoid actual relationships with anyone. poppy had damn sure realised that. she knew when someone didn’t want to be around her.

and if she needed any more of a signal, travis pushed off the railing before she could even consider handing the key in her pocket over. he went and sat somewhere behind her, and she stayed still, closing her eyes, sucking in and holding a breath and counting to ten before sighing again. just give him what he wants and go, she told herself. if there’s ever a time he wants you around, it’s not now. she turned around and walked over to him, dropping the key and the cigarettes from her pocket onto his lap. “they’re both yours.” now turn around and go. turn around, poppy. walk away, like he walked away from you last night. leave him cold. don’t look back. her brain was screaming at her to get away, this was her turn to hurt him, her turn to show him how much it hurt. how much it hurt when he left her. how much it still hurt now, even though he was back.

but when did poppy ever listen to her brain? never, if now was anything to judge by. she looked at him and hesitated. he looked .. bothered. about something. about her? there was one way to find out. she sank down next to him, her back against the wall, close enough for her liking, but not so close that they were actually touching. she stretched her legs out and leaned her head back against the wall. she couldn’t find the words to say to travis. the words to tell him how she felt, about him in general, about last night, about him leaving her, about everything. but the words wouldn’t come, and as always, poppy remained silent.

TRAV. 752 WORDS. [URL=http://kayascodelario.net/photos/displayimage.php?pid=3210&fullsize=1
]WEARING.

[/URL] LYRICS TO BROKEN SOCIAL SCENE. I WANT TO HUG THEM BOTH c:[/i][/font][/size][/blockquote][/blockquote][/justify]

[TRAVIS LAMBERT.]

DO YOU REMEMBER WHEN I TOLD YOU THIS THAT NIGHT, THAT IF YOU’RE BY MY SIDE WHEN EVERYDAY BEGINS, I’LL FALL FOR YOU AGAIN? I MADE A PROMISE WHEN I TOLD YOU THIS THAT NIGHT. -------------------------------------------

what the fuck was he playing at? why the fuck was he doing this? he & poppy .. they went back years. why the fuck did he suddenly seem to think that hurting her was an okay thing to do? fucking her last night & then just leaving her without a word might possibly be the worst thing that travis had ever done, & he's done some pretty shitty things in his life. above all, poppy had been his best friend since they were kids. poppy'd always been there for him & he'd always been there for her. after the accident, he was first in line to see her, to make sure she was okay, to make sure she was still alive. travis honestly didn't know what he'd do if he didn't have poppy. she was the only person in the world who knew him better than he knew himself - even nora didn't know trav as well as poppy did. poppy was like trav's other half; she made him whole. so why the fuck was he treating her like a piece of shit, avoiding her whenever she needed him just 'cause he 'couldn't be bothered' looking after her? staying out all night when he knew poppy would be curled up in his bed because he didn't want anything to do with her? sleeping with other girls knowing full well that poppy was in his bedroom?

he looked up as she walked towards him, running his fingers through his hair .. he didn't know how he was doing it, whether it was from irritation or anxiety or just plain habit. trav always seemed to do it, but when around poppy, it was just a bit more prominent. he always did it. there was something about poppy that made him feel .. odd .. different. & now, guilty. he looked away, choosing to look at the sidewalk instead. travis didn't like feeling guilty; he didn't like feeling anything other than drunk. guilt & responsibility & any other feeling wasn't something travis did. he just didn't do it. trav lived for the moment & didn't pause to reflect upon his reactions or to feel anything, but with poppy .. trav couldn't help it. as the cigarettes & key fell into his lap, trav stared at them stonily, having nothing else to look at. he found himself willing poppy to go away, to fuck off home, to go & do something that didn't involve him, but at the same time, he wanted her to stay, to be with him as long as possible. it scared trav shitless.

he fought to keep his face neutral as she sat down next to him, shoving the key & cigarettes in his pocket, knowing he was only going to use one of those items today. there was a part of him that was annoyed she was there, just sitting by him, forcing him to replay last night's events over & over in his head, making him feel so fucking guilty, but there was another part that was relieved that she didn't hate him, relieved that she hadn't fucked off & left him to his thoughts, & annoyed that she wasn't closer to him. it was probably a good thing she was sitting away from him. trav didn't know what would happen if she were any closer; he had a feeling ( he hated those things ) he'd grab her & wouldn't let her go. looking up, trav looked around the abandoned pier, looking up & down the road as though looking for something, though really he was just buying himself time. he didn't know what the fuck he was going to do. he couldn't just make shit like this better. he'd fucked up, he knew it. he always fucked up. he & poppy were the poster children for 'fucked up kids'. pulling a cigarette out of his pocket, he lit it, & stared at it for a few moments, gathering up the courage to actually speak. since when was trav afraid to speak?

"i'm sorry .. for .."

POPPY. 654 WORDS. WEARING. LYRICS TO YELLOWCARD. NGHHHHHHH.

[/justify]

[POPPY EVANS.]

NOW YOU'RE ALL GONE GOT YOUR MAKE UP ON AND YOU'RE
NOT COMING BACK, CAN'T YOU COME BACK? --------------------------

[/size][/center]

it had always been trav and pop. always. since they were little kids, they’d been best friends. he knew her better than she knew herself, and she had thought she knew travis better than she knew anything. but maybe she was wrong. it hadn’t always been like this. when they were younger – innocent, naïve – things had been simple, and sure, travis had teased her but things were easy. they were friends until the end and that was that, poppy had honestly believed that was the way things would stay. but then his dad left and he turned bitter. his attitude rubbed off on poppy and she started messing things up at home too. she’d tried to help him but he didn’t want to talk about it. and so when it was her turn after the crash, she pushed him away. told him she wasn’t going to talk about it. and three years later, she still stuck to that and hadn’t told anyone anything about the crash. travis’s dad leaving had been the start of the tension between the pair – the crash and death of poppy’s mom had pushed them over the edge. nothing had been the same since, of course it hadn’t. she still knew trav better than anyone, and vice versa, but their stupid attitudes and problems and their unwillingness to talk kept them from being as close as they had been.

not that poppy cared. she definitely didn’t know travis as well as she thought after last night. she knew he slept with anyone that looked half like a girl and ditched them after, but she had never, ever thought he would do it to her. not her. maybe she wasn’t anything special to him anymore, but she knew she had been at one point, didn’t that mean anything? apparently not. it was all she could do not to put her head in her hands and cry, but she couldn’t let travis see that. she couldn’t give him the satisfaction. he ran a hand through his hair and she wondered if maybe he did feel bad about what he had done, and so he should. anyone else, but not her. he couldn’t meet her eye. well, she didn’t want to look at him either, and she kept her eyes firmly in her lap, absent mindly slipping her thumb in her mouth so she could nibble at the nail. a long time ago she had only bitten her nails when she was upset, but now she found herself biting them almost constantly. she wasn’t upset all of the time; she had practically bitten her fingers off after the accident and the habit had stuck. but when he started to apologise, she pulled her thumb out of her mouth and scoffed. the words tumbled out of her mouth before she could stop them.

“for what? for fucking me? or for leaving me? or for finding me now? or for shutting me out and pushing me away? you owe me a lot of apologies.” the last sentence was quiet, and poppy blinked furiously, looking away from travis, not willing to let him see her like this. she wasn’t going to let him see how much he hurt her. she pulled her legs up under her and wrapped her arms around them, slouching and resting her chin on her knees, making sure her head was turned away from travis until her eyes weren’t watery anymore. “you owe me a lot full stop,” she said softly. she never did anything for travis because she expected something in return. she did things for him because that was what friends did. she snuck home and cleaned up after her dad, then went to travis’s house and picked his mother up and cleaned up after her too. she hadn’t ever done it because she wanted something from travis. it would be stupid of her to expect anything from him; he took her for granted. even as she thought it she tried to deny it in her own mind, it was just the way he was, he didn’t mean for her to feel like this. but she still did, whether he meant it or not. she gave in and turned her head to face him, still resting on her knees, and instantly wished she hadn’t as she felt her eyes prickle again. this time though, she didn’t try and stop them. this time, he could see how much he hurt her.

TRAV. 744 WORDS. [URL=http://kayascodelario.net/photos/displayimage.php?pid=3210&fullsize=1
]WEARING.

[/URL] LYRICS TO BROKEN SOCIAL SCENE. IDK THIS FAILS BUT ILTHEM.[/i][/font][/size][/blockquote][/blockquote][/justify]

[TRAVIS LAMBERT.]

DO YOU REMEMBER WHEN I TOLD YOU THIS THAT NIGHT, THAT IF YOU’RE BY MY SIDE WHEN EVERYDAY BEGINS, I’LL FALL FOR YOU AGAIN? I MADE A PROMISE WHEN I TOLD YOU THIS THAT NIGHT. -----------------------------------------------------------

travis didn't need this. he couldn't be dealing with more shit in his life. he got enough from his mother, & his father was the biggest piece of shit he knew. his whole family & life had fallen apart because his dad decided that his wife & kids didn't mean anything to him. he'd fucked off years ago to do his own thing; for all trav knew, he was married with more kids. the idea was repulsive; his dad had a family, & it was the one trav was forced to live with. trav couldn't move out. fuck knew that nora couldn't cope with their mother on her own. trav only just managed. poppy was the only person ( other than nora ) trav classed as actually decent in his life; he didn't need to go fucking that up too. if he wasn't such a fucking train wreck then maybe everything would go the way he wanted. if he wasn't so fucking scared of people abandoning him & leaving him to clear up the mess then maybe he wouldn't be in this situation. trav always bailed. he always got out before something bad could happen, but for so long, poppy had been the only good thing trav had had going for him, but then he fucked that up in a moment of semi-drunkenness & boredom. even when they were growing up, trav had never been a dick to poppy. she was the only one who managed to escape trav's radar; he'd never even considered being horrible to her. he'd certainly never done anything like this with her before; maybe they'd fooled around once or twice before & then there was that one time behind the school when they'd- but they'd never actually fucked. never.

“for what? for fucking me? or for leaving me? or for finding me now? or for shutting me out and pushing me away? you owe me a lot of apologies.”

trav looked up at her words, his expression hardening, biting back the scathing remark he was more than prepared to shoot at her. this was poppy. he couldn't go treating her like some girl who didn't mean anything to trav except a quick lay. poppy meant something. she was always there. she always had been, & up until now, trav had thought she always would be. trav knew he'd fucked her up ( mentally, emotionally, physically ) but part of him argued that it wasn't his fault. it wasn't his fault she chose to hang around him. it wasn't his fault she stuck around. it wasn't his fault she actually seemed to enjoy his company - or if she didn't enjoy it, she didn't seem to hate it either. everything had all been her choice. she'd chosen to stick by him after his dad fucked off. she'd chosen to stay as silent as the grave after her mother died in the car crash. she chose to sleep in his bed every other night because of nightmares of the same car crash. she chose to do all that. she chose to kiss him back last night, she chose to drag them around the side of the house. a normal person would say that trav was blaming her instead of himself, when he wasn't. he was trying to figure out what the fuck it was he was supposed to say to a girl who meant something to him; he just didn't know what.

he snapped as she looked at him, crying. poppy never cried, not in front of him. trav couldn't take it; he felt guilty enough as it was without having a crying girl on his hands too. he pushed himself up & away, took a few steps, before he turned around & stormed back the way he came. "what? what the fuck do you want me to say poppy? do you want me to say that i didn't mean it? that i'm sorry that i even did it? do you want me to say it didn't mean a thing?" he wasn't entirely sure where he was going with this. "you owe me some fucking apologies too, poppy, don't you fucking dare say you don't, because you know you do. fuckin', ignoring me after that crash, expecting me to let you stay over every time you have a bad dream just because you can't tell your dad what happened, yet you expect me to just do it? i fucked up, poppy, alright, but you aren't exactly little miss perfect either."

POPPY. 739 WORDS. WEARING. LYRICS TO YELLOWCARD. HE'S SUCH A BITCH.

[/justify]

[POPPY EVANS.]

NOW YOU'RE ALL GONE GOT YOUR MAKE UP ON AND YOU'RE
NOT COMING BACK, CAN'T YOU COME BACK? --------------------------

[/size][/center]

poppy didn’t know why they were like this. was it so hard to just open their mouths and talk to each other? have a proper conversation, tell each other the important things – and both had some things they were keeping secret – and move the hell on. but both were too stubborn to open their mouths and talk, it had been too long. or at least, travis was too stubborn and poppy didn’t want to pour her heart out if she didn’t think it would change anything. she rubbed at her eyes, she couldn’t understand what it was between them. apart from last night, of course. that was definitely something. something that had never happened before, something poppy definitely did not know how to deal with. well, not counting the time behind the school when – well, no, it was still something that had never happened before. they’d never actually fucked .. just messed around a couple times. poppy knew it didn’t mean anything because they backed off before it got serious; so what about last night? neither exactly backed off then. she winced as trav looked up at her – she was okay looking at him while he wasn’t looking back but as soon as she saw the expression on her face, she regretted what she had said.

but you can’t take things back once you’ve said them and so poppy had to keep looking at him, waiting for him to snap back at her. this was what they did. they snapped at each other. or at least, trav snapped at her and poppy attempted to hold her own. but he didn’t say anything and she thought maybe, just maybe, she’d won one. this was his fault, of course it was. she hadn’t kissed him, he had kissed her. it wasn’t her fault that it took her by surprise and she kissed back, was it? and it was .. she had thought he wanted it. she had thought maybe something was finally happening between them. she had got her hopes up, and then he’d run away. left her standing in the alley. and that hurt. watching his back run away from her, leaving her to figure out what the fuck had just happened. but she couldn’t so she had done what she always did and headed to his house, slept in his bed – something that was comforting to her, she didn’t know why. her own bed felt unfamiliar, but his bed wasn’t. not because he was in it, because he never was. not because she liked his family, because she didn’t especially. they were just another broken family and poppy had one of her own to clean up. she didn’t need to understand why trav was comforting, she just knew he was. not intentionally; she wondered if he’d ever intentionally comforted anyone.

she guessed not, as he pushed himself up and walked away, then changed his mind and came back. she sat and listened to him snap at her - the snapping she was used to, the snapping she had grown to expect. but poppy would be damned if she wasn’t going to see this through, and she stood up too, curling her hands into fists at her side, letting her nails bite into her palms. “no trav, i don’t want you to say that. you don’t need to say that, you’ve made it pretty obvious.” she was standing strong, fists clenched, shoulders squared, but she was speaking quietly – there was no one else around to overhear them, but she wasn’t sure she wanted to hear it herself. “what did you expect, me to tell you everything? did you honestly think that was going to happen? i haven’t told anyone. anything. why would i tell you? you’re not exactly mr sympathetic.” she looked him up and down, and rolled her eyes. “you could have kicked me out. told me to fuck off. but you didn’t, did you? that’s not my fault. and it’s not as if you tell me everything either, is it? you pushed me away after your dad left. you pushed everyone away. i was just the only one that bothered to come back. do you want me to apologise for that? ‘cause i will. i never said i was perfect, but for fuck sake trav ..” she trailed off, unable to find the words.

TRAV. 724 WORDS. [URL=http://kayascodelario.net/photos/displayimage.php?pid=3210&fullsize=1
]WEARING.

[/URL] LYRICS TO BROKEN SOCIAL SCENE. ILHIM ANYWAY.[/i][/font][/size][/blockquote][/blockquote][/justify]

[TRAVIS LAMBERT.]

DO YOU REMEMBER WHEN I TOLD YOU THIS THAT NIGHT, THAT IF YOU’RE BY MY SIDE WHEN EVERYDAY BEGINS, I’LL FALL FOR YOU AGAIN? I MADE A PROMISE WHEN I TOLD YOU THIS THAT NIGHT. -----------------------------------------------------------

this was so fucked up, why the fuck what he such a fucking idiot? why had he thought that anything good could have come from sleeping with poppy? this was poppy. poppy fucking evans, his best friend, & he just treated her like some other fucking girl he met on the street? fucking & ditching did not apply to poppy. if anything, poppy should be the one he actually meant it with, poppy should have been the one he stuck around for. of course he'd fucking wanted it; he'd wanted it for a while. they'd fooled around in the past but that hadn't ever meant anything. that was just .. for fun. he didn't know when or how or why things had changed ( he wasn't focusing on last night now ) but they had & he didn't like them. he wanted to go back to the way things had been before, when they were simple & uncomplicated & trav didn't have to force himself to talk to her. he wanted to do it again, the whole thing, & maybe this time he wouldn't fuck up. though, knowing travis, he would fuck up. he'd make exactly the same mistakes & he'd do the same things & would probably emerge from things after messing them up even more. poppy might have even fucked off years ago, unable to take his shit. they never even spoke anymore. they argued. they spoke over msn, yeah, but travis couldn't remember the last time they'd actually had a conversation that didn't involve insulting the other.

he hated it when she pointed out that he'd done shit wrong, that he handled things badly & that it had made her the way she was. she blamed him for fucking her up & travis couldn't argue that. he knew he'd fucked her up, he fucked everyone up; it was only a matter of time. he knew that he shouldn't try & place the blame somewhere else, because there was nowhere else to put it. everything was all travis's fault, it was all him, & there was nothing he could do about it. he couldn't stand it when she made him out to be the bad guy; he knew he was the bad guy - he didn't need to be reminded of it. he felt guilty enough as it was without her making it worse. he was fed up of feeling shit & like he'd messed up; for once he wanted to do something right, but he didn't know what that was. he didn't even know how to do something right. walking away from her last night clearly hadn't been right. going with that blonde whilst knowing full well that poppy was in his bed wasn't right. he wasn't surprised when she stood up, curling her hands into fists defensively. poppy never just let him win; she couldn't just drop a subject & let it go. she had to fight, she had to try & win, & travis was so stubborn that he had to fight too, he had to make sure he didn't lose.

"no, i didn't expect you to tell me everything," he retorted, frowning at her. "but something might have helped. it's all fine coming to me because you're scared & can't sleep, but for fuck's sake poppy, you can't just do that every other night & expect me not to ca- want to know! fuck's sake, even i told you what was going on eventually; it may not have been what you wanted but it was a damn sight more than you told me!" trav looked away in frustration, trying to calm himself down. he always got carried away in arguments. he couldn't control himself. "why should you tell me?" trav whipped back around to look at her. "i'm your fucking best friend poppy, that's fucking why!" for fuck's sake trav, shut up! "no, i don't want you to fucking apologise for that, don't even fucking bother. 'for fuck's sake trav' what? what the fuck do you want me to say?"

POPPY. 655 WORDS. WEARING. LYRICS TO YELLOWCARD. FNERR.

[/justify]

[POPPY EVANS.]

NOW YOU'RE ALL GONE GOT YOUR MAKE UP ON AND YOU'RE
NOT COMING BACK, CAN'T YOU COME BACK? --------------------------

[/size][/center]

they always argued like this. maybe not so bad, definitely never about fucking each other, but it was always the same way. one snapping at the other until finally one of them gave up and walked away, only for the argument to continue the next time they saw each other. it wasn’t different arguments anymore, every argument blended into one now, with breaks in the middle where they thought of new things to throw at one another. they didn’t even argue about anything in particular – aside from now, there wasn’t ever anything bad enough to argue about. not really bad. but they blew everything out of proportion so they could argue, and poppy hated it. she wished things would change, wished they would go back to where they had been a long time ago, when they didn’t argue – though it was hard to imagine them not arguing – when things had been good. a proper friendship. not this, this constant arguing and biting and winning and losing and the hurt that came with it. poppy didn’t want to fight with trav, but she didn’t have a choice. she couldn’t just let him throw things at her and not answer back. maybe a long time ago, when they only said things as jokes, poppy would have dropped things. moved on. let go. joked back. but when everything was so serious, when every word hurt, she wasn’t going to let go of anything. she wasn’t going to let travis walk all over her.

she shook her head, didn’t he understand? she couldn’t tell him, it wasn’t that easy. she didn’t want to think about it, she didn’t want to remember it, she didn’t want to put it into words. saying it out loud would just make everything worse. she hadn’t – after three years – got things straight in her head yet. she hadn’t given herself the chance. she didn’t want to give herself the chance. things were messed up as it was, she didn’t need to concentrate on the ins and outs of the crash. her mom was dead and poppy had the scars to prove it. couldn’t travis understand that it was something she didn’t want to talk about? she didn’t press him to talk about his dad when he walked out, and though she supposed travis hadn’t pressed her at the time of the crash – when she refused to talk the first time he left it at that, surely he was pressing her now? well maybe she should just give in and tell him what had happened, what was said, why she couldn’t move on and why she hadn’t spoke about it before. maybe then he would understand, maybe then he’d stop treating her like shit because she was doing a fine job of treating herself like shit without his help.

“you want to know? why we crashed, what it felt like, what she said, what i said?” tears were dripping down her chin now, but poppy barely noticed them. she clenched her fists even tighter, biting down on her tongue for a second. this wasn’t something she wanted to say, not something she wanted to relive. but she closed her eyes and forced herself back to the crash. she unclenched and re-clenched her fists, snapping her eyes open and forcing herself to stare at travis. the words wouldn’t come. it had been so long, three years – a therapist and two psychiatrists hadn’t got the story out of her, she couldn’t fit the words in her mouth. her lips opened and closed a few times, but no sound came out. the words were jumbled in her head, she couldn’t get them straight, so she tried a different angle. “or maybe you want to know about afterwards? in the hospital, me with a few scratches and her hooked up to that .. all those .. machines. the beeping and the quiet conversations between the nurses that they didn’t think i heard, is that what you want to hear about? or what about us turning the machine off? what would make you happy, trav? what do you want to hear?” her voice was barely a whisper, stuttered by the tears and her unwillingness to speak, but in the surrounding silence, she didn’t need to be loud. she wanted to reach out and grab travis, hold onto him and not let go, but she was scared she’d crumble if she moved, and she was still supposed to be angry at him.

TRAV. 746 WORDS. [URL=http://kayascodelario.net/photos/displayimage.php?pid=3210&fullsize=1
]WEARING.

[/URL] LYRICS TO BROKEN SOCIAL SCENE. ASDFGHJKL.[/i][/font][/size][/blockquote][/blockquote][/justify]

[TRAVIS LAMBERT.]

DO YOU REMEMBER WHEN I TOLD YOU THIS THAT NIGHT, THAT IF YOU’RE BY MY SIDE WHEN EVERYDAY BEGINS, I’LL FALL FOR YOU AGAIN? I MADE A PROMISE WHEN I TOLD YOU THIS THAT NIGHT. -----------------------------------------------------------

travis was this close to just walking away. he was so over arguing with poppy; day in, day out, that was all they ever did, & it was always the same argument, over & over & over again, going around & around in circles, repeating themselves because they were both so fucking stubborn that they didn't want to change. trav had made it more than obvious that he wanted to know about poppy's mom - of course he would, poppy was supposed to be his best friend, but he'd also made it perfectly clear that he wouldn't return the favour. he wouldn't talk to poppy about how he couldn't stand his dad & how his walking out killed all the lamberts, how colton & dante moved out because they couldn't take their mother's fucking hassle anymore, leaving travis to look after his baby sister & his mom while still only a teenager himself. he'd never told anyone that he hated the responsibility of being the 'man of the house', that he couldn't stand that he'd been left to clean up after his drunken mother & there was nothing he could do about it, because left to her own devices, his mother would probably end up drinking herself to death, & travis literally couldn't take losing another parent. he wouldn't be able to cope & no one would be able to handle the train wreck that would ensue. it would be like a supernova; trav would just get worse & worse & worse until he eventually met the same fate as his mother.

maybe he should stop trying to get her to tell. if he wasn't willing to divulge aspects of his life then he certainly shouldn't expect poppy to, but this was trav. did he really care if she didn't want to tell him? .. of course he did, this was poppy we were talking about, the only girl he actually had legitimate feelings for but wouldn't act upon. he had to stop pushing her, he had to stop hurting her, because she was going to get fed up of it eventually, & when that day came, she'd leave him, just like his dad did. all the fighting & the insults weren't helping; it used to be fine when they were joking, when they were around their friends & each insult would be followed by a dig in the ribs. back then, trav may have let her won an argument, just so that he could carry on having a good time, but lately, trav wasn't having such a good time. the only entertainment he had was his daily argument with poppy, & maybe he shouldn't really be calling her entertainment, but that was literally all she was now. not last night, obviously. that had been something .. different, & trav was far too scared to even try to go into that just now. he didn't want to realise that he'd secretly loved poppy his whole life, or something equally ridiculous ( was it ridiculous though? he asked himself, before pushing the question away swiftly ).

trav shook his head as she was talking, as though he were trying to shake the words out of his head, forget them, act like he'd never heard them so that poppy could keep her secret & he wouldn't have to share his. at one point, he even rubbed the side of his chin, bringing the lit cigarette up to his lips & inhaling, out of pure habit, before stubbing the stick out on the ground. "just forget it," trav mumbled, unsure of whether he should just go or stay or do something or touch her or hug her & tell her it was all right because she had him, but trav wasn't that guy. he wasn't the sort of person someone could rely or depend on; he didn't want to be that guy because that meant more fucking responsibility. "never mind." he looked awkwardly at his feet, fighting not to reach out & grab her, because he knew he wouldn't let go.

POPPY. 653 WORDS. WEARING. LYRICS TO YELLOWCARD. ASJGOIEJWG.

[/justify]

[POPPY EVANS.]

NOW YOU'RE ALL GONE GOT YOUR MAKE UP ON AND YOU'RE
NOT COMING BACK, CAN'T YOU COME BACK? --------------------------

[/size][/center]

poppy didn’t know what she was doing – she had spent so long hiding this, covering it up, keeping it a secret that was slowly destroying her. why now? why travis? he certainly wasn’t going to open up to her, she knew. but she couldn’t tell her brother. god no .. she didn’t want him to think of their mom like that. not when she was dead and he was young; younger than poppy, at least. her dad was a useless fuck. he was drunk and poppy had no desire what so ever to talk to him. the feeling was mutual; he couldn’t stand to be around her. they hadn’t had a conversation in three years. poppy could count the times he’d willingly spoken to her in the last three years on one hand. she was all for helping mrs lambert up when she’d drank too much, but her father could lie in his own vomit and poppy wouldn’t give a shit. her father could go to hell. he was pretty sure that was where he already was. and she didn’t have anyone else to turn to. no one she trusted. she wasn’t sure she trusted trav anymore, but he was better than no one. better for what though? listening? no, not quite. he wasn’t a good listener, and maybe he was sympathetic underneath it all somewhere, but he damn sure didn’t show it. she guessed whatever she told him would just result in an awkward silence where he refused to touch her when all she wanted was him to hold onto her to keep her from falling apart.

but no such luck. he was mumbling never mind, stubbing out his cigarette and turning away from her. poppy had a second long debate about whether she should let him win and drop it, or whether she should push it and watch him squirm. it was about fucking time for some pay back. she grabbed his wrist – not the touch she was craving, not even close, she dug her nails into his skin, clenching her other fist to stop her grabbing him – and pulled him round to face her. she kept the death grip around his wrist, but didn’t dare get closer than she needed to. an arms length. that was all. “no. don’t you understand? i can’t forget it. i can’t just drop it and walk away when it gets too much. i have to live with this in my head, every fucking day.” she was getting stupidly upset with travis because he wanted to drop it – he spent all this time bugging her, three years of trying to get her to open her mouth, and when she did, it was too much and he didn’t want to hear it. she rubbed at her eyes with her free hand, still clutching onto his wrist, not willing to let go and not caring if she was hurting him. serve him right. “you can’t just leave as soon as things get hard.” she didn’t say the next sentence, but she didn’t have to – ‘just like your dad did’ hung in the air after she finished. so what. serve him right. he was doing what his dad had done; when the going gets tough, the shitty get ditching. he’d done a good job proving that last night.

in fact, poppy realised he’d been doing it for a while. pushing her away and ignoring her and leaving her feeling like shit. and she didn’t need that. she had enough of that in her own head, in her own family. she didn’t need her so called best friend doing it to her as well. “you don’t act like a best friend. you treat me like shit and expect me to just stick around anyway. maybe that’s why i haven’t told you. maybe i don’t want that anymore.” she released his wrist and turned around, taking a few steps away and trying not to let her brain reconsider.

TRAV. 661 WORDS. [URL=http://kayascodelario.net/photos/displayimage.php?pid=3210&fullsize=1
]WEARING.

[/URL] LYRICS TO BROKEN SOCIAL SCENE. ASDFGHJKL.[/i][/font][/size][/blockquote][/blockquote][/justify]

[TRAVIS LAMBERT.]

DO YOU REMEMBER WHEN I TOLD YOU THIS THAT NIGHT, THAT IF YOU’RE BY MY SIDE WHEN EVERYDAY BEGINS, I’LL FALL FOR YOU AGAIN? I MADE A PROMISE WHEN I TOLD YOU THIS THAT NIGHT. -----------------------------------------------------------

trav tried to ignore the beat of electricity he felt as poppy grabbed his wrist, tried to pretend he hadn't felt anything & the nails digging into his skin didn't bother him. he looked at her, so fed up of this he wanted to scream, to change the subject, to do something that would get them off this stupid topic. trav had been stupid to push it, he should have just let it go, but he could never seem to let anything go. he had to learn to keep his mouth shut & if poppy didn't want to talk about something, then to just accept it like other people, not go on & on & on about it in the hopes that one day she'd tell him just to shut him up. he tried his hardest to stay still, fighting not to just grab her & kiss her & hold her & keep her safe. they were too fucked up for that to work. besides, there was no way he could do it, not after last night. he knew her defences were firmly put up & even if he tried to kiss her ( not saying he would ) then poppy would push him away as fast as she possibly could & then they would have something new to argue about. trav looked away as she spoke, staring at the sea, taking in her words but not paying them nearly enough attention. he looked back at her, about to say something, but it stayed in his throat at her next words.

“you can’t just leave as soon as things get hard.”

trav knew instantly that that sentence hadn't been finished. he knew that she'd left that hanging, & he knew exactly what it was she was going to say. travis was nothing like his father; he'd spent years making sure he wasn't. the smoking, the drinking, the girls, they were all things trav's dad didn't do, & so, automatically, made him his opposite. trav wanted nothing to do with his father, that was why he'd ignored him for so long, why he refused to visit him over the summer, why he stuck by his mother like his father hadn't. there was no way travis was like him, no way. though what poppy was saying made some sense. he wasn't the kind of guy to stick around; he'd proved that with her last night. he'd proved that he'd bail before anything shit could happen, &, in that sense, maybe he was like his dad, maybe he was turning into him, never sticking around for anyone because he can't be bothered to. giving up before he'd even started because he didn't want to run the risk of falling flat on his face. no, trav wasn't like his father, he wasn't, he refused to be! how dare poppy say it ( even though she hadn't actually said it ) & to his face no less. trav bit down on his tongue, swallowing the biting insults, twisting his wrist in her grip. he'd prove he wasn't like his dad, he'd fucking prove it, he'd make sure she knew it because calling trav his dad was one of the worst insults imaginable, & trav wanted to make sure poppy felt it when he threw it back in her face.

“you don’t act like a best friend. you treat me like shit and expect me to just stick around anyway. maybe that’s why i haven’t told you. maybe i don’t want that anymore.”

travis scoffed, watching her walk away, eyes trained on her back. it took all of his willpower to stay still, & to not follow her. "fine!" he shouted after her, fists balled up in his pockets, forcing himself to stay where he was. "fine! walk away! if you hate me so much, fuck off! leave, it won't be like you aren't the first!"

POPPY. 636 WORDS. WEARING. LYRICS TO YELLOWCARD. FNERRR HE WAS GONNA KISS HER BUT YKNOW WE'LL DO IT LATER.

[/justify]

[POPPY EVANS.]

NOW YOU'RE ALL GONE GOT YOUR MAKE UP ON AND YOU'RE
NOT COMING BACK, CAN'T YOU COME BACK? --------------------------

[/size][/center]

poppy saw him freeze for a second, just a second, maybe she’d imagined it, and instantly wanted to take back what she’d said. travis wasn’t his dad. she knew he wasn’t going to bail on her. sure, he’d run away more than a few times. but he always came back. they always ended back together. together to argue again, but still, he came back. he wasn’t his dad. it was past the line to say that, so far past the line that the line wasn’t even visible anymore, and poppy knew it. what the fuck kind of friend accuses someone of being like their dad who walked out on the family years ago? she felt his wrist twisting; he was trying to get rid of her, he wanted to throw her off. she let go, almost regretting it, not being able to hold travis, even if that wasn’t the most friendly way. she wanted to throw her arms around him and tell him she didn’t mean it, she took it back, of course he wasn’t like his dad, she was stupid to say that. imply it. it was the same thing. it hurt the same, and she could see it in his face.

but she still turned away from him. and he finally found his voice and shouted after her, and it was her turn to freeze. she was walking away from travis, the exact thing that had hurt her so much when he ran last night. she span back around but didn’t move closer to him. “i don’t hate you! if you’re so fucking .. stupid, to think i hate you!” she wanted to tell him she loved him, just shout it out now and be done with it, but did she? this was travis, her best friend for the longest time, how could she love that? this wasn’t a romance novel, a stupid film, best friends didn’t really fall in love; especially not when they’d been acting like complete dicks for at least three years. poppy spent most of her time thinking about trav; whether she was fuming about him, in his room waiting for him ( not that he ever came ) or actually with him, most of her time and brain was occupied by travis. her heart definitely skipped a beat whenever they touched, which wasn’t as often as you’d think, but did that mean she loved him? poppy didn’t know how to tell. poppy didn’t want to know.

but she couldn’t walk away. her feet wouldn’t move, her brain wouldn’t let her turn around again, she didn’t even want to. and she figured, fuck it. they were messed up already. anything she did now wouldn’t make a difference. she practically ran the short distance between them, threw her arms around travis’s neck and crashed into him. she pressed her lips against his, hungrily - she’d wanted this for a long time, she realised, she just hadn’t known it properly until last night. she expected him to push her off, call her stupid and walk away from her, but after last night, part of her figured he wouldn’t. figured, after last night, maybe he’d realised the same thing she had. this was better than arguing. she breathed him in, smelling the travis smell she’d almost grown used to, what with spending so much time in his room, holding onto him, one hand on the back of his head and the other wrapped around his neck. she pressed her body against his, almost desperate for him to kiss her back, to not push her away, to feel the same as she did. “i didn’t mean it,” she said against his lips. “you aren’t like him, i take it back,” she needed him to believe that.

TRAV. 628 WORDS. [URL=http://kayascodelario.net/photos/displayimage.php?pid=3210&fullsize=1
]WEARING.

[/URL] LYRICS TO BROKEN SOCIAL SCENE. ASDFGHJKL.[/i][/font][/size][/blockquote][/blockquote][/justify]